Nothing changes - if nothing changes...

A week ago I wrote my blog about facing a challenge and coming to a crossroads in my life. 

Many of you were kind enough to message me about 'just going for it' and not being afraid to take the plunge and do something different.

This week I want to write about understanding change, understanding your fears, being able to overcome them, and being able to take the right action. It's very easy as a bystander to look across and think to yourself 'Oh she/he'll be alright,' 'What can I say to XYZ (friend)?' or 'Hell... I feel really sad for XYZ (friend) but how the heck do I help?'

Let's examine it all...

Understanding change

As a younger woman - I was fearless. I was bold and daring, and I loved the buzz of a calculated risk. 'Change' was to be embraced. The old saying was that 'Change was as good as a holiday' meaning if you wanted but couldn't get that holiday buzz, then go do something different - simple! However, time takes over. Commitments, family, jobs, and husbands - the things that mean the world to you, become an integral part of the fabric of your life. Suddenly, you are doing things that may not always be ONLY for yourself. The things you do, are to help others. The act of being self-serving (the notion when I was young), is no longer on my agenda. 'Change' to do things differently, may therefore impact others you care about. In my case, this was the biggest fear.

Understanding your fears 

When my upcoming 'change' looked to impact others I care about - that for me was when my fears began to set in. I began to think 'Do I make a change or not?' 'What does this mean for us? What does the 'change mean for me?' 'How bad/good will the change turn out to be?' And then stealthily, I began talking myself out of making the change. Why? Because suddenly, I'd lost my nerve. Me? Losing my nerve? You wouldn't believe how much simpler it was for me to talk myself out of making the change than to literally put my neck on the line and take-on this new risk. 

Overcoming your fears 

I must say - I am a lucky lady. I have a huge raft of great friends. Some are work colleagues that, like a tornado of life - you pick them up along the way (but never dump!) and keep banging them into your brick walls. And some friends have been around for decades and can read you like the back of their own hand. Two of my friends came to my 'rescue'. 

Friend A came over (brought round a Costco muffin) and took the time to hear me out; Have you made a pros/cons list? Let's talk about what's freaking you out? Let's talk about HOW it can play out if you make the 'change' and what will possibly happen if you don't. We did the pros/cons list together. Friend A knew how I felt as she too, had been through her own life changes.

Friend B listened. Friend B gave me a stern talking to about the consequences of NOT making a change. And Friend B held me as I cried. Friend B knew what to say and how to shake me up, positively.

With the help of my two dear friends - I made the choice TO CHANGE later that afternoon. In fact, ten minutes after Friend A departed, I made the biggest change I'd made in fourteen years.

Taking Action

I got on the phone and accepted the new teaching role I'd been offered and then resigned from my current position. 

The Verdict

So why had I agonised over it? What was stopping me from moving forward? 

It was fear. Fear of making a change, fear of leaving what I had known to be 'job security,' for the last fourteen years - we'd faced a pandemic and got through the worst of everything and now things were beginning to settle back. Or so I thought. Lastly, I had this weird fear of finally being accepted for a position that recognised and valued my qualifications. How daft is that? 

Yet in myself, I knew that change was inevitable and the very best option. In myself, I knew the change was better than sitting around with fingers crossed - hoping that the status quo would get better. Who was I kidding? 

And you know what - It's true! Nothing changes if nothing changes. You can still go on chasing your own tail if that's what you want - but in the end, just don't complain about it. If you want something different - you have to make the change required. Or it's the same S**T, but a different day.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts below

Much Aroha - Vee